20.52 train to Livingston North from Edinburgh Waverley; the final destination (but not for me) being Helensburgh Central (which sounds quite grand but probably is not. Strike that. I have just checked Google and it looks grand).
It’s Festival time.
I’m sitting with my notebook.
Observing.
Writing.
‘Whit the fuck. There are nae any seats. Fuckin standin. That’s shite.’
Two guys in their twenties, with a girlfriend on one arm each and a six pack of lager in the other, that they undid from their plastic sleeves. Pulling the ring, one young guy sprays some of the seated passengers.
‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuckin sorry.’
They all laugh.
One of the women switches her phone on and plays some music.
‘Fuckin useless phones. Ah should have brought some speakers.’
There’s a couple sitting opposite. Man and woman. Early forties I’d say. She takes two plastic beakers from a bag, along with a bottle of red wine, and pours for the two of them. She is moving to the music (what do you call it when a woman of a certain age does the kind of dad moves that Michael Gove was ridiculed for on the dance floor?). She doesn’t realise that she has spilled some wine on her right tit and the outline of the nipple is showing through her white t-shirt (or maybe she does).
‘Fuckin phones. Sounds fuckin crap’.
In my notebook I have written the words ‘fucking cunts’.
There’s a young girl standing with a (big) black dog further along the carriage beside the doors.
Somebody jokes ‘xl-bully’.
It’s not, but she seems to have more space than anyone else in the carriage (what do you do, I’m thinking, if your dog wants to pee or shit on the train? That would get you loads of room).
The man in hiking gear and rucksack who got on with a Costa takeaway-drink, has spilled it down his female companion. Judging by the way he is now mopping down her front, I would say they know each other pretty well.
Over to the left, the group of four who are seated – three men, one woman and a baby – have an open bottle of spirits that they are passing round and drinking from. Will she? Won’t she? Maybe wet the baby’s lips as well?
‘Fucking useless phones’.
My stop.
One Pagers 